Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Tuesday Night Music 3 30 10

I'm not a uniform fan of Sonic Youth, but this song is one of my all time favorites. It's got me from 22 seconds in when the second guitar kicks in, and the lyrics are always worth a listen. Plus, "Jesus had a twin / who knew nothing about sin" turns up in an issue of Doom Patrol for some weird reason known only to Grant Morrison.

Schizophrenia - it's taking me home.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Tuesday Night Music 3 23 10

I was a massive Maiden fan in Middle and High School. I got into them with Somewhere In Time, and started working my way backwards. Then Seventh Son of a Seventh Son came out and I was blown away. Synthesizers? A concept album? Suddenly heavy metal went prog on me, but I was loving it, because Maiden not only made it work, they made it ROCK.

(Yeah, the lyrics are kind of naff and weird, but hey, it's fun)

Progressives Would Rather Eat Live Spiders Than Trust Obama

(Madison) According to Jones Applied Polling and Education Sciences, more than 90% of self-described American "Progressives" would rather shove live, furry tarantulas into their mouths, chew, and swallow, than trust anything that President Obama has to say.

"This landmark study of post-Bush American politics proves two things," said Dr. Sot, head of JAPES since 1967: "One, so-called Bush Derangement Syndrome should be renamed Presidential Derangement Syndrome, and two, South American spiders are damn expensive, even when bought in bulk."

The year-long study was instituted last March, when JAPES scientists noted that, even after eight years of having a decidedly non-progressive President in the White House, there were still large percentages of self-described American Progressives who greeted President Obama's inauguration with fear rather than hope.

"At first we thought maybe it was a few deluded cranks. You know, the same sort of people who think flouride in the water turns you into a homosexual duck, or 9/11 was a government conspiracy. But after we realized this was actually significant numbers of the population, we thought we should see how far down the rabbit hole they actually were."

The results are striking. Out of a test pool of 500 volunteers, ranging in age from 20 to 80:

* 92% would rather eat a live, furry, venomous South American tarantula in one sitting, without anything to drink, than believe President Obama is a "decent person, worthy of at least some trust."

* 75% would rather have sex with Karl Rove than listen to an entire policy speech by President Obama.

* 65% would rather start a debilitating heroin addiction than admit that the economic strategy of the Obama Administration may have "at least helped" America's economy over the last year.

* 50% would rather blow their brains out on the spot than vote for Obama for a second term.

"I think what we've learned here is that signigicant, measurable portions of the American public are suffering from an acute case of Presidentus Dontrustus, whereby one believes that the American political system is so horribly and terribly corrupt, that only the most horribly and terribly corrupt of persons can become President.

"I mean, you could get Ghandi out of the grave, bring him back to life, and run him for President, and the same people would be wondering who benefited from having him in there."

Ghandi was unavailable for comment.

JAPES scientists are hoping to continue the study over the remaining time of President Obama's term. When asked if they were worried about getting another 500 volunteers per year, given the potentially fatal methods they used, Dr. Sot laughed.

"Are you kidding me? These people are so self-destructive they'll sign up for anything if you tell them it's for a good cause."

"I mean, for crying out loud, 100% of them believed America was better under 8 years of Bush instead of 4 to 8 years of Obama, if only because they KNEW the enemy was in the White House. How stupid can you get?"

There were other, less scientific benefits of the study.

"That was the best sex I've had in years," Karl Rove said: "I'm probably overdue for a delousing, now, given that 50% of self-described American Progressives under the age of 25 have diddler crabs. But gosh darn was that worth it."

Sunday, March 21, 2010

House Votes to "Destroy America" - Millions Flee Antichrist

(Washington) Millions of conservative American voters are packing their belongings to move out of America following the the historic vote to overhaul health care, which passed the House 219-212 late Sunday night.

"I can't call this country my home anymore," Larry Stirbuck of Showanna Falls, Wisconsin said as he bundled his family of four into his SUV, preparing to go someplace more "spiritually befitting" his family - Mexico.

"It's dirty politics down there, too, but at least you know they leave the Devil at the border."

Mr. Stirbuck was not alone in his fears of the Antichrist having taken control of the American government. Numerous reports of "millions" of Americans packing and leaving by whatever means possible have were coming in since House Democrats affirmed they had enough votes to pass the bill, late this evening.

"Total, all-encompasing health care is of the devil," Presidential critic Joseph Farah proclaimed on World Net Daily, earlier in the evening: "I have complete evidence that the President has undertaken this crusade to destroy America, enslave Americans, and sell our nation's soul to the Devil. And that's why I'm packing up and leaving this very instant."

"Also, I'm still not a Birther."

Farah was not the only high profile conservative comentator to take it on the lam.

"I'm so gone it's like I wasn't here yesterday," Radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh radioed in from his luxury yacht as he sped to an undisclosed island getaway.

"I'll probably continue to broadcast to what used to be my country, in case any freedom fighters remain behind and try to retake it. But as far as stepping on land, no chance. Not until the Devil is out of the White House."

Likewise with FOX news and the Christian Broadcasting Networks, which shut down moments after the vote so their oddly-overlapping staff members could "eat, pray, and leave."

"I can't stop crying," Glenn Beck was overheard saying: "For once I don't even need to snort visine. This is real this time!"

The belief that the legislation was written in league with the Prince of Darkness apparently started some time ago on a long-since-hacked web site, obama_is_satan.com.

Produced by a coalition of bithers, bigots, PUMAs, and political opportunists, the controversial site proclaimed that the newly-elected President was a Kenyan national who'd murdered and cheated his way into the White House, and was planning to enact sweeping legislation to bring about Armageddon. They also accused him of being directly responsible for 9/11, the San Francisco earthquake of 1906, and Barney the Purple Dinosaur.

According to one panicky blog post from January of 2009: "First he's going to make us all have to have health care. Then he's going to make us all wear RFID tags. Then he's going to order anyone without health care or a tag a terrorist, and have them shot on sight. After that, you might as well just call it Revelations."

No one from the web site cared to comment on the vote. Calls to their 800 number have been unanswered since last June.

President Obama, apparently unfazed by religious criticism, declared the vote a "historic victory," but emphasized that there was still an uphill battle in the Senate, and the inevitable lengthy battle to make the two bills agree with one another.

"I think people need to stop overreacting, and remember that this bill, as written, won't be worth a plug nickel by the time it actually reaches my desk," he said.

"They're so concerned about Satan, they're forgetting that the real devil is in the details."

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Tuesday Night Music - 3 16 10

Are you in the mood for some dancy trance? Then turn this song on and prepare to hit "replay" about a dozen times before you crash out for the evening. Joonas Hahmo is a freaking genius who just keeps cranking out the goodies. Explore this song every chance you get.

Birther, Can You Spare a Dime? Orly Fine UPHELD

In a long-overdue, but not surprising move, an appeals court ruled that Orly Taitz's $20,000 fine for wasting Judge Land's time in Georgia must be upheld. Which means, quite simply, that Orly Taitz is soon to be out 20K that she may or may not have.

Orly has vowed in the past to not pay the fine. If she remains defiant on that point, her principles may land her in even more hot water, seeing as how the US Attorney's office has been dispatched to collect the dough. And somehow I doubt they're going to be dissuaded by a couple fake Kenyan Birth Certificates, a slinky dress, and a promise of free dental work for life.

Saying this hasn't been Orly's month is putting it lightly. She tried to get on the ballot for California's Secretary of State, saying that she would use that office to make Obama cough up his Birth Certificate for once and for all. Unsurprisingly, she did not win the nomination, and thereupon went after the man who did -- Damon Dunn -- by way of a criminal complaint, claiming he was ineligible to hold the post due to irregularities in his records.

That makes TWO black men Orly's gone after for ineligibility, in case you're keeping count. Is anyone else seeing a pattern, here?

As of this writing, Orly's fair-weather friends at World Net Daily have yet to comment on the upholding of her fine, except to post a link to the Ledger Enquirer story. No doubt Joseph "Mr. Mustache" Farah - himself considering legal remedy to lose the tag of "Birther" that he brought squarely upon himself - will charge to her rescue with a well-timed editorial in the next few days.

In the meantime, perhaps our friends at AXJ would care to comment on this latest turn of events? They have been strangely silent on the matter of late - ever since it was revealed that Orly knew she was engaging a known forger in her legal crusade, they haven't talked much about her at all. Is this because the light of reason has come shining down, showing them that they backed the wrong horse and rider this whole time? Or did their parents ground them off the internet for a few months?

As with many things, we will just have to see what develops. I'm expecting a high-noon showdown outside Orly's dental office, possibly fought with Moldavian curses and water picks as those nice people from the US Attorney's office come to take everything of value away. A lesson to us all!


Speaking of lessons for us all, I really should be more careful about my reading skills, as I was clearly wrong to declare Orly out of the running for California's Secretary of State post. She is indeed in the running for the June primary. What she failed to do was convince the California Republican Assembly to give her their endorsement -- they went for Dunn, instead.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Tuesday Night Music 3 9 10

Hot Chip rock the house. If you like electropop and you haven't heard anything by them, you need to remedy this situation immediately. If not sooner.

Their new CD, One Life Stand, is out now.

Saturday, March 06, 2010

Birther Boo-Boo: Farah Falls for False Fact

Not content to lay low after accusing Newsweek of falsely calling him a Birther, Joseph "Mr. Mustache" Farah - grand poobah of World Net Daily - has informed us that those wacky people in Hawai'i have changed their story, yet again, as to why the President has the COLB that he does.

The United Kingdom's Sky News reported Saturday: "Authorities in Hawaii have provided an electronic record of Obama's birth because the paper copy was destroyed in a fire which wiped out much of the state's archives."

Which is it?

Does Hawaii actually have an original long-form, paper birth certificate for Obama, or was it destroyed in a fire?

It seems the story is ever-changing.

The rest of the article is Mr. Farah covering old ground, capped of by his pontificating that this is yet another reason for President Obama to "come clean," and "settle the controversy" by releasing a birth certificate that Mr. Farah can agree is genuine - warning that it may take a "public uprising" to make him comply.

But Mr. Farah really should have dug around before printing this. If he had, he'd have learned that there is no record of there having been a fire at Hawai'i's state records. NONE.

Where did Sky News get this "fact?" That's a good question - one most likely solved by our friends at Oh For Goodness Sake, who looked into the matter and found a spoof site was most likely to blame.

Obama, who claims that he was born in Honolulu in 1961, has now claimed that a hospital fire that occurred during the 1941 bombing destroyed his birth certificate.


"If you must blame someone for my not locating my birth certificate, blame Yokomoto and Tojo and Hirohito and the Japanese fleet that bombed Pearl Harbor. It's all their fault."

Why would someone from Sky News print this as a fact? That is unknown at this time. It's possible the author was punked. It's also possible that the usual game of "telephone" that makes up so much of the internet has done its usual magic.

But the really delicious thing here is that, after schooling Andrew "Disco Baby" Breitbart about the "fundamental tenets" of journalism, Mr. Farah has seemingly broken one of the most important. He has clearly not checked his sources' veracity to make certain that he's actually reporting on something real, rather than something incredible someone heard but can't really confirm.

Namely, hearsay.

Not that I'd ever accuse a Birther of giving two pulls on a dead dog's cock* about the truth or facts, anyway. But it's somewhat sad to see Mr. Farah make such a crass mistake while crusading after the "truth" he thinks will set us all free.

We will just have to see if and when he prints a retraction.

* Thank you Spider Jerusalem.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Tuesday Night Music 3 2 10

Shiekback - Nemesis. Not only is this one of the coolest songs of the 80's, but it scores big for being a sideways homage to a 2000 AD character and using the term "Parthenogenesis" in context.

Shriekback were weird, weird, weird, but also highly influential and rife with strange ideas and penetrating insights. Check out this intro to the Nemesis video to see what I'm talking about. Better yet, go find 'Oil and Gold' and check out how Michael Mann used music from that album in 'Manhunter.'