Tuesday, February 23, 2010

BIFF! POW! Birther! Batman on Joseph Farah's retraction demand

Riddler: Riddle me this, Batman. When is a Birther NOT a Birther?

Batman: A cunning riddle, Riddler. I'd say the answer would be 'When he doesn't say or do anything that would indicate, to the average person, that he was one.'

Riddler: Then explain, bat-brain, how Joseph Farah, editor of World Net Daily, could be a Birther. After all, as he rightly pointed out, While I have written tens of thousands of words about the subject of Barack Obama's eligibility and talked for dozens of hours on the public airwaves and given hundreds of interviews on this subject, never have I stated that Obama was not born in the United States.

Robin: Holy Word Salad, Batman! How do we cut through an explicit denial based on what he hasn't said? Newsweek's going to have to print that retraction, now!

Batman: Simple, Boy Wonder! We look at his actions, which, we are reminded time and again, speak much louder than words. And based on them, I would say that Newsweek has nothing to worry about for correctly identifying him as... a... Birther.

Riddler: Oh boy, we're in for a long-winded one, aren't we? Go get some coffee, boys. We're going to be a while.

Batman: Now, I will admit that Mr. Farah has, indeed, taken a very cagey route. But in this age of arguing what "is" is, I think we can look a little deeper.

ONE: There's the fact that, as he pointed out, Farah has "written tens of thousands of words" about why Obama has supposedly not shown his birth certificate. The fact that Obama HAS shown a thoroughly legitimate copy from the State of Hawai'i has not deterred Farah in the slightest. Nor has it deterred his writers - such as Dr. Jerome "Swiftboat" Corsi - from continuing to harp on the issue. Nor has it stopped him from helping to boost the quixotic crusade of one Orly Taitz, who has filed suit after suit trying to get our President disqualified from office by way of the courts.

Robin: Boy, and I thought Catwoman was nuts!

Batman: Well, chum... some things you'll have to wait to understand until you're older. But that issue aside, our remote hookup to the Batcomputer has World Net Daily on file. And look, there's over 300 stories at that site about the eligibility issue alone.

Riddler: So what exactly does that prove? Maybe he's letting his reporters go out on a limb on something he doesn't believe in, himself? Just because one asks a question doesn't mean you want to know the answer. It might just be rhetorical.

Batman: If this were a normal paper, and he were a normal publisher, that would be a point worth considering. However, given that Mr. Farah wrote many of those articles himself, I doubt his interest in the issue is purely academic. Indeed, every time he gets an answer, he seems to twist right around and provide another explanation as to why that answer is wrong. The latest theory is that the Hawai'i database could have been tampered with! And how could you argue against that?

Riddler: And what does that prove?

Batman: That proves that Mr. Farah is clearly crusading on this issue. He is directly involved in the investigation. He brings up all the things that he and WND have done at the end of every article he writes about the issue, including the billboard. And he is staking his career and reputation on the matter. Riddle me this, Riddler - why would he go to all that trouble if it was, as he claims, merely a matter of civic responsibility?

Robin: Not that you'd know anything about that, you, you, you cackling cowbell.

(moment of silence, Robin coughs and looks embarassed)

Batman: ...at... any... rate. That is my first point. And then let us consider the evidence of his recent actions at the Conservative Political Action Conference. He spoke for a total of forty minutes. And half of the first ten were all about the Birth Certificate. Watch this, Riddler, and then consider my third point.

Riddler: Which is?

Batman: An exchange with Andrew Breitbart, after the speech, during which Mr. Breitbart made it clear that he felt that asking about the Birth Certificate was not, and I quote, 'A winning issue.' And Mr. Farah replies 'It IS a winning issue!'

Robin: Um, Batman, you sort of lost me there.

Riddler: I'm having a hard time following myself.

Batman: Then Riddle me this, Riddler - when does a question become a winning issue?

(moment of silence)

Batman: When you're expecting the answer to tell you something you want to hear!

Robin: Of course! If he saw the birth certificate he really wanted to see, and it said exactly what the President was saying all along, he'd just look stupid.

Riddler:... but if he saw what he wanted to see, which was that it wasn't there at all, then he'd have the winning issue.

Batman: Indeed, Riddler. So, in deed, word, and goal, Mr. Farah is clearly a Birther. Just because he has not directly and publicly accused the President of having been born outside the United States of America does not exonerate him. His actions up to this date would lay a reasonable suspicion that he is, indeed, what Newsweek has deemed him.

Robin: And to top it off, he has to prove Malice aforethought to win the lawsuit.

Riddler: Confound it! Why do I always work with the wrong people? Boys, get them!

(And mindless cartoon violence ensues, solving nothing in the general scheme of things, much like arguing with Birthers...)


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