Sunday, August 21, 2011

Obot Chronicles 8/21/11 - Operation Orlybake

crying all the time?

Welcome to the first report of the new OBOT Chronicles, where we inform you as to the major movements of the small majority. Those who insist on spreading misinformation, telling lies, or naively passing along the tainted goods will be exposed and mocked. Those who have been victimized by those lies (Birthers) will hopefully be dissuaded from believing in them anymore.

Mighty robots for simple truth, mighty vehicles for that simple truth. We are the gOBOTS.

There is one big item of news, right now: Orly Taitz's Surfing Safari.

Orly's big dumb adventure is something of a side trip in the longer, stranger one that is Taitz v Astrue. Simply put, she's grousing that one Michael Astrue, Commissioner of the Social Security Administration, is refusing to release the President's Social Security paperwork, so Orly can use her legion of flying monkeys to check it over for fraud.

(Never mind that, if the President was engaged in SS fraud, it probably would have been flagged a lonnnnnnnnnng time ago. Unless it's all part of the CoNsPiRaCy!!!)

At some point in the legal back-and-forth between plaintiff, defendant, and court, Orly became convinced that she now had subpoena powers (she didn't). So she promptly wrote one up to seize upon any records that the Hawaii Health Bureau might have on one Barack Hussein Obama II. Thus empowered, she and two of her happy tree friends (Paul "Busted Typewriter" Irey and Doug "Scannerboy" Vogt) went off to the Aloha State to say, well, Aloha.

Unfortunately for them, Aloha also means "goodbye," which is exactly what the Health Bureau said. Apparently they are not taken to taking orders from pieces of paper that lack the full power of law. Who would have thunk?

But, much like Odysseus (himself the victim of a long and strange trip), Orly is never without a cunning backup plan. Said plan involves a motion in federal court to force the Health Bureau to attend a hearing and show cause. This, of course, led Jerome "Dr Feelgood" Corsi to announce that the Court was going to force them, though the Court obviously hasn't decided yet. And the response from Birtherstan has essentially been to mark September 14th down on their calendars as THE DAY THE USURPER LEAVES THE WHITE HOUSE.

Will it? Highly doubtful, as all that's likely to happen in that hearing is for the Judge to look at the subpoena, see that it's written in crayon, and dismiss everything with a vengeance.

But we now have about three weeks to prepare for Orly's return to the Aloha State. Homework non-assignments are as follows:


* It would appear that Orly committed the mother of all Freudian slips while filing, lately. She has admitted in her filing against the Hawaii Department of Health that she is seeking Obama's original long form birth certificate, rather than a purported one.

Doc Conspiracy notes: I think that this is a plain admission on Taitz’s part that the White House document is authentic, original and legitimate because the whole context of her argument is that Obama waived his right to privacy when he published this document. She can’t have it both ways – either Obama released his original form and Taitz already has what she’s asking the State for, or he has not in which UIPA protects the original.

It would be a bad thing if this seeming contradiction was pointed out to her. Perhaps the next time she gets on television or the radio someone might be tempted to call in and ask, but this is obviously an impolite thing to do. At the very least, if you do ignore my calls for restraint, be good enough to let her feeeeenish.

* Orly still draws a crowd. It is really unreasonable to ask my fellow gOBOTS to fly to Hawaii on September 14th to make some fun signs, pass out informational fliers, and laugh at the goings-on inside the courthouse, or even see if they can get in to observe the proceedings. It would be even more unreasonable to encourage those gOBOTS already in state to get that Wednesday off or something and have some fun. Especially if she brought her two flying monkeys along with her, as their unique grip on empirical reality could do with a challenge or two. But that would be rude to these two gentlemen and I cannot encourage it. No.

* An even better misuse of our time would be to ask why Orly is being allowed to brandish ersatz legal documents. An inability to comprehend the law or file proper briefs is one thing. Wandering the US of A with a subpoena that was not approved by the Judge is another. But that might wind up with her facing large fines, or possibly even going to jail for fraud. And no one wants that, so maybe we really just should sit on it?


* Orly just loves it when you make macros of her. Obviously, then, it would be a bad thing if more should be made and passed around. Especially if these macros made fun of her unique vocal delivery style, 80's hair, or glam metal facial expressions. No one wants that.

* 2012 is just around the corner, and this issue is still not dead. It is obviously a dirty trick to try and peg this non-issue on the rank and file of Republicans, as, in spite of World Net Daily's insistence that various polls reveal a lot of Birthers in the GOP's ranks, the reality is probably less clear-cut. However, it would be somewhat less dirty to make sure that a Republican friend or family member (you know you have them, admit it) is aware that this theory is even more kooky than, say, global warming, or Jesus riding a dinosaur to work. One on one conversations with a friend carry more weight than screaming at idiots on World Net Daily.

* Speaking of which, World Net Daily has recently made it so that just about every article they have can be commented on via a facebook account. Obviously, the comments are vastly biased in favor of WND's unique, information-challenged viewpoint, but some gOBOTS are still there. We really should resist the temptation to go in there, en masse, and bring up factual points, debunk, and question the logic of their articles. This would, after all be trolling, even if we were being extremely polite. (Ask Richard Poe about that one, if you can find him)

That's all for Obot Chronicles this week! Let us know how the things we told you not to do work out for you! Best example of inaction gets a noprize!

(The preceding was a work of satire, and should not be taken seriously)

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Obot Chronicles 8/14/11 - Here It Comes

100 becomes 1000 becomes an 8 on its side

IMPORTANT BULLETIN. The Birther Week in Review is officially no more. If you want an excellent, regular encapsulation of the movements of brave, young Birtherstan, and one that puts my admittedly pedestrian efforts to shame, please redirect your browsers to Badfiction There, our good friend and ally deftly records his many exciting and dangerous trips into the toxic cesspool that is Birtherstani popular culture, and reports on his findings so you don't have to go there, yourself.

As fun as writing BWIR was, the duplication of effort was not helping the cause. I bow my head and heart to the man for his efforts on our behalf, but now it's time for something different.

That something is this: the cat is now officially out of the bag.

Notorious Birther Jerome "Doctor Feelgood" Corsi has proven the old adage about the broken clock being right at least once a day. A little while after I published my last BWiR, he let it be known that 100 Obots are lurking amongst the American populace.

NEW YORK – A top Democrat, apparently operating with the full approval and cooperation of the president, has been directing a team of up to 100 who are paid to publish disinformation on a wide variety of websites to discredit "birthers," according to anti-Obama researchers.

The radical supporters of the president, known as Obama robots, or "OBOTs" for short, have confirmed their White House-appointed ring leader is Democratic Party operative James A. Johnson, the former chairman of Fannie Mae.

Initially, the OBOTs attempted to mask their Internet identities by posting under usernames with avatars that suggest their personalities. But due largely to the efforts of anti-Obama researchers, including "birthers" vilified by the OBOTs, the true identities of key OBOT operatives have been revealed.

"Oooooooo!" you probably said upon reading all that, maybe followed with "booga booga!" But the truth is that this is at least partially correct.

There are about 100 "Obots" out there in c-space, working both together and separately to try and dispel this nonsense about the President's Birthplace and Eligibility.

What he got wroGN was that (1) we're actually paid for this, (2) the President knows about what we're doing, and (3) who's actually in charge of the show.

Yes, I said "we." I am one of the Obots. They got me a long time ago.

And I get to be the one to explain this to you, because this is how we roll.

Do not think of us as "obama robots." Think of us, rather, as being one letter away from the Gobots. Remember those plucky, also-ran transforming robot toys from the 80's who had the misfortune of being marketed at the same time as the Transformers, who had the cooler cartoon and the (admittedly) better product, but lacked the simplicity of their "lesser" cousins?

That's us. Mighty robots for simple truth, mighty vehicles for that simple truth. gOBOTS.

The truth is this: the President of the United States is eligible to be President. The State of Hawaii has effectively said this by lending their weight behind the Certificate of Live Birth and the Long Form. The American court system has not ruled otherwise, and is not likely to, given the weight of past decisions. All other arguments are either foolhardy, ill-considered, or wrapped up with ignorance, racism, islamophobia, or chauvinism that has no place in 21st century America.

The truth is this: the majority of so-called Birthers (or eligibility skeptics) are victims. They have been victimized by their own fears and/or ignorance, and kept victimized by the mistakes, misinformation, distortions, and outright lies of the few. They could, if brought around to full recognition of the truth, be victims no more.

The truth is this: a small minority of these Birthers is keeping this issue alive by continuing to broadcast a non-stop regimen of mistaken information, willful or ignorant misinformation and distortions, and, yes, outright lies. Some of them have chosen to champion this cause because they honestly believe in it, and some of them have chosen to champion it because they recognize that there's fame, fortune, readership, and political prestige to be gained if enough people go Birther because of them.

The truth is this: to invoke Grant Morrison, this is not a war -- this is a rescue mission.

The vast majority of Birthers are suffering from having been bamboozled by the aforementioned small, often cynical minority, which is actively misleading them for their own reasons. If we can get the truth to the victims, however we can, then they may no longer be victims, and become fully cognizant members of the body politic once more.

In other words, they can go back to opposing Obama because they don't like his policies, or don't like him, rather than hating on him because they're convinced he's not eligible. With this nonsense stripped away, they can no longer be dismissed as cranks or fools, and can come back and be a fully-functioning part of America's political culture once again.

This can only be a good thing for America as a whole.

So you're probably asking why we servants of the truth didn't come out and tell you that truth, earlier. Sometimes truth must be masked. Sometimes you have to tell a story or a joke to get to a point. Sometimes you can't tell the whole truth at once or you'll be laughed at.

Sometimes you have to contradict yourself to get to where you're going.

So accept our apologizes for not stepping out from behind the curtain sooner, but make no mistake -- we are here now. We have come to mock and to gaslight, to enrage and to entertain. We have come to plant the flag of truth in the bullshit birthday cake.

We have come to tell you the truth, and it will set you free.

We are 100 now. By the end of the year there will be 1000. After that, who knows?

If you want to join, you just did. Go and do.

Just remember that this is a rescue mission, not a war. We must comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable. We must help and not harm.

We don't always have to be nice about it, of course, but at the end of the day kindness and patience is remembered and treasured more than snark and meanness. Especially when the blinders are off, the mission is over, and the lies and liars have been exposed.

Leave the snark and mockery for the small majority, who clearly deserve it.

Henceforth, the Obot Chronicles will inform you as to the major movements of the small majority. There will be information, laughs, and homework assignments. There will be calls for direct inaction. There will be noprizes. There will be phun.

(There may or may not be punch and pie.)

There will be the satisfaction of knowing we did the right thing for the right reasons, at last.

My name is J. Edward Tremlett. You can call me Dive-Dive. I am an gOBOT. Who are you?