Newly Released 9/11 Video Reveals True Culprits! (Maybe)

A new, previously-unrevealed film of the Twin Towers burning and then collapsing was made public over the internet today. The seventeen-minute video, which was included in the 9/11 Commission's body of evidence, was the focus of an FOIA request lodged by the National Institute of Standards and Technology. They declined to release it publicly, but it was somehow given over to Cryptome, who made certain it could be seen by all.

The film is raw and shocking, even almost ten years later. But even more shocking is what's seen if one watches the movie with special etheric goggles: electronic eyewear that allows one to see things that are not normally visible to the naked eye, such as temporal anomalies, hasty "rewrites" of history, and pan-fictional entities that strobe through objective reality like fingers waggled in front of a television set.

If one does, one sees many interesting things -- at least according to Tim Foil, conspiracy theorist extraordinaire, author of Saturday Night Holocaust: How Hitler Invented Disco, exposer of the Easter Bunny's Communist Leanings and the Reagan/Khadafy/UFO connection, and, more importantly to this latest, terrifying twist in the field of 9/11 Truth, that Cookie Monster was JFK's assassin.

According to Tim Foil, if you watch the film around 4:13 (right when the audible voice is yelling "Holy Crap") with Etheric goggles, you will see what looks like a giant, yellow robot with a very pointy head, beady eyes, bushy eyebrows, and a tuft of black hair. It can clearly be seen dancing in the smoke and cackling over the devastation.

This, according to Tim Foil, is Mecha-Bert -- exo-god tyrant of the year 2635 (621 in the New Calendar). What it's doing back in 2011, destroying the World Trade Center and part of the Pentagon, is a question no one has a sufficient answer to. But the reason no one can see it without special equipment is because, for the last several years, various agencies of the American Government have done everything possible to cover this horrible time invasion up -- just not with each others' knowledge of having done so.

"As I've reported in the past, the muppets are a cabal of psychopathic monsters," Tim said over the internet from the bunker he's been hiding in since last Christmas: "Worse than that, they're super-mega rich psychopaths. They could buy Bill Gates and use him as a toilet. That's the kind of money we're talking about, here. And the American Government is both scared shitless of them, and unable to make a move against them, because if they leave, we lost 11/12ths of our underground economy, go bankrupt, and get taken over by China -- if we're lucky."

According to Tim Foil's painstaking research, it's fear of economic reprisals or muppet boycotts that led the CIA to let one Howard "Cookie" Monster shoot a sitting President over a quarrel over Marilyn Monroe's baking skills, amongst many other hidden atrocities. The long-standing understanding between the various Agencies has been to let the Muppets do what they wanted, and clean up after by any means necessary.

However, on September 11th, 2001, the pigeon-shit hit the fan in a big, big way. How could they hope to cover up absolute evidence of a time invasion by the future incarnation of one of the most evil and wealthy beings alive -- Saffron "Bert" Conehead?

According to Tim, the answer lay in a peculiar device that the Secret Service found in Utah in 1879.

"Back in the late 19th century, the Secret Service was a two-fisted, rough and tumble organization that specialized in handling some very weird threats to America's security. This was back before it was turned into a clearing house for Alien sympathizers and Communist dupes, of course. Since then they've done away with all their cool gadgets and technology and made do with machine guns in purses. Hardly a butch weapon!

"In 1879, two of its best agents wrested a large box away from some diabolical madman who was attempting to open it and be the first man to travel back in time, hopefully doing chronal damage to America's history. Unfortunately, with the madman dead, there was no way to operate it safely, and all they could do was bring it back to Washington, codename it 'The Night of the Time Cabinet,' and keep it under observation until they managed to find the owner's manual. They never did."

However, according to Foil, on September 11th, 2001, the lights of the machine came on for the first time in over 100 years, and the device made itself easy to operate. The current speculation is that the machine was tied into whatever device Mecha-Bert used to travel back from the 27th century, and proximity to it turned it back on again.

However it happened, the American government now had access to a time machine. And the first order of the day was to use it to mask what had happened from the American people, even if they had to break every law of time to do it.

"It's funny in a way, "Foil commented: "The MIHOP Truthers (Made It Happen On Purpose) are more right than they know, however removed. The Bush Administration actually did create the events of 9/11, right up to inventing Al-Qaeda for Bert to join up with in the first place. It's just that they did so to cover up the real culprit."

The problem was that, in true pre-9/11 style, the changes to the timestream were done by the various Agencies without telling each other what they had done.

First there were three hijacked planes that accounted for the three targeted buildings, but then they wondered why the plotters hadn't aimed at the Capitol, too, and added a fourth plane.

Then they realized that planes couldn't account for all the damage and replaced them with cruise missiles, sometimes disguised as planes, and sometimes not. Passengers were alternately on board, not on board, and taken away to live on a cruise liner for the rest of their natural lives.

Then they realized the planes couldn't bring down the towers and laced them with thermite. Then the thermite was replaced with nano-thermite from the year 2102. Then lasers and mini-nukes were brought into the equation, along with several other, more exotic devices -- all at the same time.

"It was, in the words of one contact of mine, a 'screaming, bloody fucking mess.'" Foil added: "It also explains how there are so many divergent notions of what happened on that terrible day. They're all right, sort of. It's just that they're all right and all wrong at once, and while they're arguing with each other over what the FBI did after the CIA undid what the NSA did, the real culprit is sitting on the black hole throne of what's left of Thailand, far off in the future, and laughing at our inability to make war on him."

Tim Foil says that he realizes his latest expose will probably have no real effect on things, but he feels he must present the truth as he knows it for as long as he can until "they" come to shut him down.

"I've said time and again that history demands an answer. I can only hope these answers demand more answers in turn."