A Letter to My Ex, Post Election Day

Dear friend:

Since we parted as lovers, we've been lucky enough to remain friends. And since then, you've asked my opinion from time to time, and as a friend I've given it to you. You've wanted my input on things and people, and what things you should be doing with which people. And I've always tried to give you the best advice I could, with friendship and respect and, yes... still a little love on my part.

So when I say "honey, what the hell are you thinking?" I hope it will be taken as it should.

I know we had our problems. I know I wasn't ideal, and nor was the situation. But what on earth could have possessed you to break up with me and go back with that walking turd you were seeing before?

Did you forget how bad things were, back then?

When we first started seeing each other, you had nothing but bad things to say about that person. The neglect, the abuse, the misplaced priorities. Long expensive parties you weren't welcome at. Pricey nights out when you weren't invited. Adventures that hurt you and cost you way too much time and money, all laughed off with "it's for your own good" ...

I could talk my head off, here. I know you sure did.

Now I know, early on, things were great. There was a way with words this person possessed, and the feeling that you could lift yourself up with just a little encouragement was very intoxicating. It felt like everything was going great, once again.

Morning in America, I think you said?

But sooner or later the promises stopped being fulfilled, and the bloom came off the rose, and then the real trouble started. And I know it was bad, because when I met you, and we started up, you were a walking ghost. I had to work double-time to make you happy and earn your trust, after how badly you were let down.

Have you really forgotten all that? How could you?

Yes, I screwed up. I didn't do everything I said I should. I didn't do all that I could. Sometimes I forgot myself, and wasn't as good a lover or a friend as I should or could have been. We've been over all that, and hopefully you can accept one more apology.

But, dammit, why? Why are you going back for another round with this creep? How could you forget how wholly and utterly this person did you wrong? How could you start back up again, after everything that happened? Are you really THAT dumb, after all?

Or were you so angry after we broke up that you'd turn to anyone for comfort?

I'm sure that person was right there, waiting. I'm sure there was a slick plot and a plan in action, along with a big price tag -- money no object to get what was wanted. A couple gentle words, maybe a listening ear, maybe some sympathy over pricey latte at that expensive coffee chain we used to have fun making fun of, back when we were a pair...

I can't go on. Seeing you drive around in that car, with that person, makes me want to throw up things I ate ten years ago.

And when I tried to talk to you about it, and you just blew me off? Well... that hurt worse than being eaten alive by driver ants, my friend. Especially when you said I was just jealous.

Maybe a little. Okay, maybe a lot. But I'd be happy if you never even saw me again, even as a friend, so long as I knew you weren't back with that person again. At least I'd know I wouldn't hear any terrible stories about how you got done wrong, yet again, even though you should have known better.

And boy, should you ever.

Please reconsider this relationship. Please remember the pain of the past and decide if it's worth risking it all again just for the sake of rekindling an old illusion. Leopards don't change their spots, friend -- sooner or later you'll stop seeing the smile and notice the fangs behind it.

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but they say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the result to change. This is textbook insanity. You are fucking crazy. And only you can open the door and leave the asylum.

Anyway, you got my number. If you want to call me up and curse me out, fine. But I'm hoping you'll remember what I'm saying, here, and just keep an eye open and an ear out. You'll know the old and true face is back on again when decisions are made FOR you, rather than WITH you.

And if you'd rather just ignore this... well... it's Tuesday Night Music. Make of this what you will.