Birthermail - 10/01/10

HI,

I too have been trying to have a look at Obama's original birth certificate, passport records, school records, or anything that will clear up the discrepancies with his many Social Security numbers.

Is there any way you could look for them for me. I thought since you visit there often, you could look and see if Obama has them hidden up his or Michelle's ass.


Dear (Name Redacted)

Thank you for your enthusiastic email regarding a part in our upcoming production, “I Was a Teenage Homophobe.” Unfortunately, we have already secured actors for all speaking parts, and will not need any extras.

I know that must be disappointing, given that you were told otherwise, as you indicated. The truth is that I was certain I WAS going to need someone to replace a real problem child actor. But after a rather tense, ‘come to Jesus’ meeting with me and his agent, he swears he’s going to lay off the booze, uppers, and goat-sex so he can concentrate on his craft. He’s a friend of a friend of a friend of my producer, so I have to take him at his word.

However, I have forwarded your resume over to my colleague, who is currently casting “Night of the Return of the Living Birthers.” Given your stunning work in “Night of the Living Birthers,” “Return of the Living Birthers,” and “Birtherdamerung II: Electric Boogaloo,” I think you would be perfect for at least one of the parts.

No need to thank me! That’s showbiz.

Yours truly,

J.