Sunday, March 25, 2007

O'Reilly Outs Self for Kool-Aid Man*

O'Reilly:... and with us tonight to answer his critics is the Kool-Aid man, himself. Kool-Aid, thanks for being on our show.

Kool-Aid Man: Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

O'Reilly: Now... what about this assertion. This assertion, given by the liberal New York Times, that you've been giving profits to organizations that sponsor terrorists?

Kool-Aid Man: Man, I don't know nothing about that.

O'Reilly: You don't?

Kool-Aid Man: Not a thing.

O'Reilly: Well, how is it this is being said, then? I mean, why are you being named if it isn't true?

Kool-Aid Man: I dunno, man. I think it's the Hawaiian Punch guy. He's always trying to start stuff with me.

O'Reilly: Oh, so this is professional jealousy by a colleague. Come on! You've got to give a better answer than that.

Kool-Aid Man: That's all I know. I swear, man.

O'Reilly: I'm really disappointed, here, Kool-Aid. I mean, when I was a kid... when I was a kid I guzzled Kool-Aid like you wouldn't believe. I drank every flavor you ever made. And when I was asleep in bed... I... I mean, I feel funny saying this, but I dreamed about you. I really did. I laid in my bed dreaming about you and me.

Kool-Aid. Uh, okay...

O'Reilly: *sigh* Okay, no spin. No spin. No BS. I was gay for you when I was five years old. I still am.

Kool-Aid Man: You are?

O'Reilly: I'm gay for you, Kool-Aid man.

Kool-Aid Man: Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy-

(Broadcast interrupted)

* Okay, no, this is not real. It's a parody. It never happened. No Kool-Aid men were harmed in the making of this post. HT to C&L for the graphic)


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