Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Why Liberalism is Bad For You: Charles Barkley

Yes, it's official: becoming Liberal will mess you up.

Remember Charles Barkley? Remember how, back when he was famous for playing b-ball, he went out of his way to rub our noses in the fact that he was a Black Conservative? Remember how he hung out and did lunch with Supreme Court Judge Clarence Thomas? Remember how he said if he was in charge of things there wouldn't be "death row," there'd be "death week?"

Well... I guess some time off the court and hanging with the media elite has turned our favorite Black Conservative into something else. First he gets on CNN, calls conservatives "fake Christians" and says he's voting for Obama.

Every time I hear the word “conservative,” it makes me sick to my stomach, because they’re really just fake Christians, as I call them. That’s all they are. But I just — I’m going to vote Democratic no matter what.

And now? After being caught driving drunk (not a uniquely liberal sin, as Mel Gibson could tell you), we find out that he, like Gibson, said some pretty interesting things:

He had a blood-alcohol level of .149 percent, nearly twice the legal limit of .08 percent in Arizona when he was pulled over.

"I was gonna drive around the corner and get (oral sex)," Barkley told a police officer, according to the official police report. He explained that the girl had performed oral sex on him a week earlier, and it was the best such experience of his life.

Later, Barkley told a civilian Gilbert Police Department employee that he would "tattoo my name on your (butt)" if the employee would get him out of the DUI, according to the police report. Barkley then laughed and corrected himself, saying, "I'll tattoo your name on my (butt)," before laughing again, according to the report.

First he votes for Obama, then he can't stand to hear the word Conservative, and now he's driving drunk to get a blowjob AND wanting to tattoo police officers onto his ass? It seems the cycle is nearly complete.

I predict that, after he gets out of jail, Barkley's next big media coup will be to announce that he thinks the Mossad helped fake 9/11 in order to usher in the neo-con world order.

Thank you for your consideration - We will resume normal operations once I stop laughing.


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