Birther Week in Review 4/30/11 - Special post-Long Form Edition

In which we look over the wide panoply that is Birtherism for any signs of apology or contriteness in the face of Obama's Long Form Birth Certificate, and find bumpkiss

Well, in case you were hiding under a rock last week, and not aware that Khaddafy's palace was bombed (by mistake, they were looking for Ghaddafi), Apple is unveiling a bold new product for hipper-than-thou computer nerds, and Cthulhu was worn to the Royal wedding as a hat, you may have also missed out on a very important development in the whole Birther story. At long last, after some dithering, President Obama decided to do away with the "silliness" inherent in the non-issue and release his Long Form Birth Certificate.

Of course, in the immediate aftermath, you would expect that a very large number of people -- some more faceless than others -- would immediately fall all over themselves apologizing through shamed faces. You would expect good, decent people of moderate character to realize they made a mistake and just admit it, so that we can go on to more important issues as a nation.

You might also expect that Santa Claus will solve the world's fuel problems by giving everyone magic rocks to put in their gas tank.

So no. We did not get the calvacade of apologizes that were due for having ever doubted an official Hawaiian COLB. Sadly -- but not unexpectedly -- Birtherstan was not full of shamed warriors in the war of ideas tripping over each other to commit sepuku with their POSFKBCs.

We have instead the spectacle of them tripping over their previous statements (some more than others) to move the goalposts from the issue of birthplace to the issue of overall eligibility due to his father being an African national.

Alan Keyes, who was one of the Plaintiffs in Orly Taitz’s court case, had this to say: That he resisted it for two and a half years is somewhat inexplicable… I see nothing in it that justifies this big battle to withhold it from the public. ... It looks like the action of an irresponsible and insane group of people.

Andy Martin, King of the Birthers, currently running on the Birther ticket, as at least willing to accept it. Of course, that doesn’t get Obama off the hook.

Donald Trump? Oh $%^& him

Gary Kreep, who brought one of the lawsuits – one that was going to have an appeal on Monday, in fact? How about him?

We don't know whether it's a real birth certificate until our forensic expert has a chance to look at the original,” he said. “All we can go by is what's on the White House website, which looks like a combination of several documents. Computers are too good these days.

How about Lucas “Inspector” Smith, intrepid detective and provider of Obama’s Kenyan Birth Certificate? He had the following to say:

(Yes, that is a direct quote. However, he did post two videos on his youtube channel explaining how the long form is a fakeroo.)

Jerome “Obamanation” Corsi, author of the upcoming book “Where’s the Birth Certificate?” isn’t too worried that his work is about to become a doorstop. As we reported recently, he said:

Farah, who spoke with Corsi earlier today, said the author’s reaction was “just like I expected.”

“He is deeply suspicious of the authenticity of this document,” Farah said, “and believes that we shouldn’t jump to conclusion about it.”

How about Joseph "Mr. Mustache" Farah, editor of World Net Daily? We commented on him, recently, too, and his rush to put himself in traction by slapping himself on the back (or crease his spine kneeling down before The Donald for doing “God’s work.”). We’ve also discussed his reluctance to pay his pledge to Obama’s birth hospital once the long form was released, much less acknowledge his having made the pledge in the first place. He’s had more to say since then.

I was relatively certain Obama was hiding something, for instance, the real birth father. Because if Barack Hussein Obama Sr. was, in fact, his dad, then there is no way he is eligible to be president. He was a visiting student from Kenya, a subject of the United Kingdom. He conferred U.K. and Kenyan citizenship on his son at birth.

The men who wrote the Constitution and used the phrase "natural born citizen" as a requirement of office intended that future U.S. presidents would not have "divided loyalties" or even the appearance of "divided loyalties." In other words, the type of president they were trying to avoid with this language was the very type represented by Barack Obama.

Yeah, a well-educated Black man who isn’t as conservative as Joseph Farah. Go figure.

Farah wasn’t done there, though. He had more to say, and then even more. And he’ll probably have a whole lot more to say about it as time goes on, but not, I predict, much to say about that $15 K he owes Kapiolani Hospital. Pay up, Joey!

Birther lawyer Leo Donofrio, esq?

I predicted over and again that when it served Obama best, he would feed you an original birth certificate on national TV. Bon appetit to those who allowed this conspiracy theory to take precedence over the genuine legal issue: how a person born owing certain allegiance to a foreign nation can be a natural born citizen of the United States?. Since the BC was played so perfectly by the Obama team, the genuine legal issue will now be more marginalized than ever. .. well played, sir.

Other Birther lawyer Mario Apuzzo?

On April 27, 2011, putative President, Barack Obama, released to the public a digital image on the White House web site of his alleged long form Certificate of Live Birth. … The document published on the White House web site is not a scan of a paper document but rather was built with computer programming by using many electronic layers. A scanned document only has one layer of information. This document has various electronic layers which raises the serious question of whether the document was obviously forged. .. Another possible reason for the obvious forgery is that the creators of the forgery unknown to Obama want Obama to get caught at his big game of deceit. … But regardless of whatever game Obama is playing, as we shall see below, the real issue is that Obama’s father was not a U.S. citizen and so Obama is not and cannot be a “natural born Citizen.” This is the issue from which Obama cannot hide behind some manipulated computer images.

How about our best buddy Orly Taitz? Oh she’s got something to say alright. It got her thrown off a television show.

Reverend “Long Legged Mack Daddy” Manning? Well, he’d like the Republicans to stop the harming of innocent Birthers. Won’t you please lend a hand?

Birther Zero Phil Berg?

April 27, 2011 Obama released what he called his long form Birth Certificate. Interestingly enough he spent millions of hard earned Tax payer dollars defending why he should not release it, yet he did so today because it was a distraction to more important issues. Only as the Internet world have begun their investigations into the authenticity of the Birth Certificate with their many computers and software programs of all kinds, have we come to find out in very short order that what was to be a copy of the real Birth Certificate on file with the State of Hawaii is not, but instead is a fake to try and look like a copy of what should be his legal Birth Certificate.

Then there's Ron Polarik, video avenger who proved the COLB was a fake. He and Inspector Smith must have been cribbing notes, because his quote bears a strange, almost uncanny resemblance to Smith’s:

(Yes, you read that correctly, too. Polarik’s been MIA since 2009 or so. Wonder where he went?)

As for poor, former LTC Terry Lakin (only 12 days away from freedom), you'd think he'd be the most contrite of all. He went to prison for disobeying orders because the President hadn’t released his long form, after all. But what did his website have to say about the matter?

Then today, Mr. Obama produces yet another online document, a long form birth certificate. After more than two years of concealment and obfuscation, this document must be submitted for forensics testing to determine its authenticity. Similarly, the Kenyan birth certificate that has been widely circulating on the internet and on Capitol Hill-- should be tested.

…

The Terry Lakin Action Fund is calling for a full and complete presidential pardon for LTC Terry Lakin including restoration of pay, benefits, and service. Terry holds no malice towards Barack Obama nor did he when he chose to bring the issue to a court martial. Terry simply wanted confirmation of Obama's eligibility, a process that has finally begun in earnest.

And finally, we have Tim Adams. He won’t name names to identify the people in the Hawaii elections office who assured him that there was no Birth Certificate on file for Barack Obama, but he has taken the time to try and rehabilitate his story. Really.

Okay, well... no.

So what do we have? The only person who’s had the decency to at least admit it’s real is Andy Martin, of all people. Everyone else either says it’s a fake, claims it doesn’t matter because of Obama’s father’s nationality, or wants to hedge bets by calling for authentication while standing in the “dual citizen is no natural born citizen” camp.

Shameless. Totally shameless.

I'm afraid that, in his goal to end the silliness, the President has only given rise to a new wave of it. This issue is not going away any time soon, from the looks of things. It's only going to get more convoluted, and attract even more stupid, naive, and gullible people to its banner of dumb.

Which means we're stuck with each other for some time, then. Thanks for coming along for the ride.